Tags
90th Birthday, abuse, anger, child abuse, communication, compassion, forgiveness, healing, heart, hurt, prose poetry, sadness, self-knowledge, therapy
Father
I know so little about you. I do regret that and I wonder if it is possible to go back while there is still time. But is there still time? And if there is, what would I ask you and would you answer me truthfully, or would you continue to evade my curious, questionning heart,confuse, abuse, lose me in that maze, that maze that you constructed, stiff, stifling, solid walls around you, saying “keep out!”.
Who mothered you? Who fathered you? Who were your friends? Who struck you? Where did your rage come from? At whose hands did you learn to fight, bite, keep tight, never lose sight of the anger, hold it, nurture it, feed it, plead with it to keep you safe, safe from the hurt and the pain which surely must have followed you doggedly in your formative years?
My tears, my fears, the passing years, heaped in a pile in a bundle in the centre of my heart. I keep meaning to have a clear out, but I don’t have the strength to tackle that bundle, so I trundle along in the hope that one day soon, I’ll march in, take hold, unfold all those offending garments, toss them into a place where I can see them for what they are: questions, questions with no answers. No answers.
I have known you for years untold and yet I do not know you. You have been in my heart, never too far apart, lingering languidly upon my lips, in my thoughts, in my prayers and layer after layer of you is impressed upon my being. I need to forgive myself for not getting to know you. I need to forgive you for not letting me get to know you.
~ mew
So much pain in the words you write. I am glad you share them, although saddened by them. God can relieve that pain, even though many will disagree, and it may be hard to understand how. But He can. I pray for you and for all children who are abused by their Fathers, do not know their Fathers, or both. May God watch over you and grant you peace.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you Tony for your kind words. They are a blessing to me. Today, on my father’s 90th birthday, I am not with him celebrating as I think I should be. Instead I am blogging about him and wondering why he was the way he was, and I am now convinced that something very bad must have happened to him to make him the way he was. I only hope that wherever he is now, he is in a place of peace. To be so filled with rage cannot be a good place to be.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Heartbreaking, Marie.
LikeLiked by 1 person
These things are, Anna.
LikeLiked by 2 people
☺
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love this. Very much describes my estranged relationship with my dad that I write about on my blog too. I wish I could say something to comfort your pain… I’m still finding my way too. ☺
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your kind words. I wish you love and peace on your journey. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
beautifully crafted. You use the words wisely, selecting each one for its sounds, its rhyme, its’ feel on the tongue. You make baring your soul look easy, effortless. I can only imagine how much it costs you to write these words. I hope once they have been spent onto the page your wounds and pain ease. In love and light Cheryle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much. Sorry for length of time it has taken to reply. Have only seen your comment today. In love and light dear Cheryle.
LikeLike
I’ve been so irregular with WordPress that I didn’t know you had published a post Murr. Apologies.
I’m glad I had the chance to read this. So many emotions spewing out of every word dear friend. I pray for peace for your father and strength to you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much dear friend. Thank you for your prayers. I know they will be answered.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very well written.. even through the pain, I pray one day you will find your answers..
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much Mary Ann for taking the time to comment. I appreciate your understanding and though I don’t think there are any answers that will make the situation better, just writing about it and seeing the words on the page go someway to offloading the very real pain that has made living my life so difficult. I hope too that it will resonate with others who have a father problem.
LikeLike
Marie, I’m sooooo sorry to read this. It’s filled with so much emotion. I hope you’ll find the courage to ask your dad (if you want to). I think that part will at least give you some peace. In a few months, I also would like to invite you to be a part of a writing project I’m creating…I’ll ask you in the near future.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Kathy. Having read this you can now see why I empathise with you! Yes, I have had more than my fair share of abuse, but I’m still here and standing strong. it will be a miracle if I ever get to have that conversation with my dad – have been trying to for the last 10 years but he is in complete denial about everything he has done and is even suggesting that I am mentally ill to even claim that he did any of that. I have to laugh! It’s either that or cry! That writing project sounds very interesting – I wait with baited breath! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I could not resist commenting. Exceptionally well written!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you very much John.
LikeLike
Wow was this a true story or purely fictional? Either way it’s a nice piece
LikeLiked by 1 person
O that it were pure fiction!!! No I am talking about my father and it is all factual. Thanks for approving it! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
No approval needed from me this is a great story, has he ever seen it?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aww thanks T. No he hasn’t seen it because of the situation between us. I have tried to talk, but he seems to want things on his own terms. I am not willing to do so and so there is still a great rift. Hopefully one day, we might be able to bridge this before it is too late. 😦
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dam I’m sorry to hear that. If you’d like you can email me at tareaubarron@gmail.com
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s good of you Tareau. Do you want to give me some personal advice on the situation? Kind of you to be so considerate.:)
LikeLike
Very powerful! I have a similar problem with two children of mine, although the circumstances are very dissimilar. I wonder if I have the strength to tear into the problems with them. So far, they won’t give me the chance. I wish you better luck with your situation…
Steve
LikeLiked by 1 person
You know what I’m going to say don’t you Steve? Keep praying! God can tear down walls and rebuild broken relationships. I have seen it with my own eyes. Sure it takes time and doesn’t happen overnight, but rarely does prayer go unanswered, I’ve found in my own experience. In fact at the weekend, something awful happened (won’t go into details) but I prayed and everything worked out just fine within one hour! How’s that for service?!
My father? Now that’s another matter. I live in hope though. Thanks! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love your answer in reply! I agree with all that you have said. Sorry you ran into some trouble, but glad you were able to have your prayer answered so quickly. As for the comment about your father, I can relate completely. I have been trying for years with my kids. I just keep them in my prayers…
LikeLiked by 1 person
God Luck! (See what I did there?) 🙂
LikeLike
Yep…clever! The “round” goes to you…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’d say “the match”! And I didn’t even get in the ring! :)))
LikeLiked by 1 person
Okay…I’ll stop the boxing thing. Besides, I would never want to hit you! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Please don’t stop on my account. Unless of course, you feel it’s time to put this one to bed. You wouldn’t think that I didn’t like boxing would you? But I do think it’s barbaric and I hate watching people hit each other even in sport. That said, I’ve grown fond of our boxing quips and I do look forward to what we can come up with next. I would never want you to hit me either, but I wouldn’t mind seeing you throw the towel in! (providing you can now find them) ha ha
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree with you about the barbaric nature of boxing, especially those mixed martial arts matches! I find violence especially deplorable. You know, I see people on the news getting into these road rage fights and it makes me worry what would happen to me if I ever encountered such a situation. I’d do all I could to deescalate the situation, but you just never know…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree with you entirely. Please stay safe. We none of us know our fate, but if we possibly can, let’s try not to court danger of any kind.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is so true, especially in a world which is parting from God more and more each day!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Marie, It is a privilege to read your words. I can feel your pain and I can see hope trying to push thru. May hope make it! Last week, my husband and I were blessed to witness the reconciliation of two people, father (71 years) and daughter (48 years). The father rejected his daughter because he was angry with her mum. We tried in the past to bring them together. The daughter asked us to help talk to her dad. But the bitterness of this man we call family friend was too much and he was unwilling to embrace his own seed. Then the daughter’s mother died. We saw it as an open door, of pain and peace. The father’s anger was broken and he accepted his daughter at last. The road was hard and long but peace had the last say. Glory to God! I share my thoughts with you because this story of true. May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ abide with you, now and forever more. Love, Lia.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Lia for sharing this beautiful story of reconciliation here. Your kind words and compassion for my own situation are very much appreciated and I thank you for your blessing. Blessings to you, love, Marie
LikeLike