The Twins, Part 1 – Procrastination

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Anna Waldherr, anxiety, approval, avoicereclaimed, chaos, clutter, comfort, grief, loss, love, making sense of, procratination, self-sabotage, survival

Once again Anna, you have given us a clear, compassionate and sensitive view on the ways in which abuse affects the lives of survivors. I don’t personally believe that procrastination affects only those of us who have been abused because it is something that can be present in the lives of everyone to some extent. But here we are talking about how chaos affects those of us who have experienced severe and traumatic abuse and how procrastination manifests itself in a way that makes a survivor’s life even more difficult than it already is.
As Anna Waldherr says: “In the aftermath of emotional abuse, victims may try desperately to be perfect — at home, at school, at work — in the hope of winning the approval denied us as children. Of course, we should not have to “win” love at all. It should be freely given, certainly to children. As for procrastination, the longer we put off a task, the greater the likelihood we will fail to complete it “perfectly”, perhaps fail to complete it at all”.

ANNA WALDHERR A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving Child Abuse

Entwined Geminis, Safavid Dynasty, Persia (c. 1635), Author Unknown, Source pinterest.com (PD)

This post was written in collaboration with Marie Williams whose remarks are highlighted.  Marie blogs at Come Fly with Me, https://mariewilliams53.wordpress.com.

“Most of my life has been spent circling or avoiding important things that I need to do and I get very frustrated with myself.  Sometimes, I find myself trying to locate passports or important papers at the 11^th hour, when I’ve had ample time to deal with matters like this.”

-Marie Williams

Procrastination and perfectionism are patterns of behavior well familiar to abuse victims, twin destructive forces that have deep meaning for those who have suffered abuse.

We invest the necessary (the “shoulds” and “musts” of life) with the power to annihilate us, or at least demolish the fragile image we have of ourselves.  Then we defer, delay, and defer again – certain that we will…

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Angel Wings

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angel wings, angels, co-incidence, comfort, poem, poetry, protection, shadows, sunlight, thoughts

This morning, I woke and glancing at the ceiling, I thought I saw what looked like an angel wing on my bedroom ceiling.  I tried to convince myself that it was the way the sun-light shone through the window reflecting the pattern of the curtains on the ceiling.  But it was such a perfect shape of a feather and had me mesmerised that whether it was the light or whether it was a feather-shaped angel wing did not matter.  What was important was that it made me feel very good and very comforted.  I needed to put this feeling down on paper. Incidentally, when I switched on my pc this morning there was a poem called Angel Wings nestling between my emails – coincidence? The other thing is I meant to put this on my riceandpease website, but somehow it appeared here – so maybe that’s where it is meant to be!

Angel Wings

Softly glowing
shadows
bright
fill me
with delight

Patterns dancing
shaped like
feathered wings
protect me
feeling safe

I believe
Angels watched over
Me
last night

~Marie Williams