Approval

Tags

acceptance of self, analogy, approval, birth, control, definition, denial, dictionary, family, guilt, mental health, metaphor, seeking approval, self-love, shame, siblings

Why do we seek approval?  Should we pay for it, and how much should we pay?  Is it cost effective, and if it is not why do we urgently seek it out, and if it is, why is it that it seems that there is not enough of it to go around?  Approval, how about we strike it from the dictionary completely and see if it is missed, and then contemplate the lives that have been affected by this word, a word which in itself begs for the very thing it may deny others.

As soon as we are born, although we do not know it, are not aware of it, we become the subject of approval: to be thought well of, commend, authorise, so the definition says, and that stays with us, weaving its way through our lives, lives depending on it, lives failing by it, lives denied by it, lives controlled by it, lives foiled by it, lives sadly wiped out by it.

We require approval from our parents from a very early age, and at that stage it makes us feel. Feelings and approval: cousins, sisters, brothers, it cannot be denied, these two are related and like siblings, first cousins, step children, they do not always get along.  They tussle, they squabble, they fight, they vie for parental affection, believing that they are the first among equals.  But sadly this is not so, because as we know, no parent loves one sibling more than the other.  Or so they lead us to believe.  But we know, approval tells us so!

Later on, when we are older, bolder, approval hangs around like a boulder: huge, solid, unmovable, it dictates the way we should go.  Approved of, we feel nurtured, loved and accepted.  Disapproval on the other hand, based on faulty premises, leaves us feeling like orphans, un-loved, un-accepted, lacking, unseen, in some cases, guilty and ashamed.

We need approval.  It appears to be essential for a life well lived.  But in order to live a life with no regrets, the only approval worth investing in, is the approval we give ourselves.  Let’s keep that word in the dictionary and approve its existence but with the proviso that it includes not only approval from others, but above all approval from ourselves for ourselves in order to live our best life.

~Marie Williams 2016

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Florence

Tags

abuse, broken, control, cruelty, domestic vioence, escape, fears, Florence, husband, Italy, pain, physical scars, tears, therapy, wedding vows

Florence not the place in Italy. A real person, an essentially good person but flawed nonetheless. I cannot say what prompted me to write today of Florence although I had been thinking about her for a while and I wanted to share with all the beauty of a soul who suffered more than words can say, and who dwelt each day in turmoil. You see Florence was a victim of domestic violence. And Florence came to believe that that was all she deserved. She did not know how, could not know how, was unable to show the scars, the tears, her fears, instead wearing these garments like a beautiful gown thrown carefully about her person. She paid attention to this outward show: the fashion show of the broken.

Others looked but could not see her pain for she wore those garments well. Tears like a brooch pinned to her heart, covering the sorrow. Fears, a multi-coloured scarf tossed about her neck so those finger-marks a cruel necklace, red and raw were concealed a good deal of the time, even when it was not cold. Florence’s smile beguiled even those of a perspicacious nature. Even they were fooled by that smile, a smile which said all is well, but belied the sadness coiled tightly, so unsightly for the world to see.

Misfortune was the realm in which she lived, a place which foiled her every plan to escape the brutality of domestic violence. Attacks were the nature of the cruel game played out in this particular domain. Florence played the game but the rules were skewed. Skewed in favour of her husband. Her husband who she had taken for better or for worse, but it would have been better had the worse been better, but the worse was worse and featured strongly in this union if you could call it that.

Personally, I would not call it a union, but for Florence her wedding vows were sacred and she had promised and promises were not made to be broken. But her bones could be. Surely she had not promised that?

~ MEW

Saying “Sorry” Isn’t Enough

Tags

abuse, awareness, blogging, child abuse, communication, compassion, control, cruelty, forgiveness, peace, season of good will

Stephen D Jennings post on “Saying Sorry is not Enough”

I have reblogged this post because it resonates with my “about” page. I am passionate about spreading the word that violence can never be the answer. It is the season of goodwill, and perhaps at this time more than any other time, we need to know that there many people who will not have a good time because they have a violent partner, parent etc. Rage and violence flares up (ironically) at this “peaceful” time. Sitting here on my pc is not going to solve the issue, but perhaps blogging about it will bring this to our awareness and if one violent person seeks help, I would feel my message is getting through. Forget about the present buying, the consumption of alcohol, the merrymaking for a moment and focus instead on the best gift of all – peace in our homes and our lives. Peace to all at this time and Season’s Greetings.

The Mathematics of Power

Tags

communication, control, harmony, healing, mathematics, peace, poetry, power

 

I’m sure we all have people in our lives who exert/have exerted a certain amount of power over our lives.  When this happens we feel that we have no power.  We are subject to their whims and manipulative tendencies.  As children we are unable to fight back, to stand strong, to exert the power which is very much an intrinsic part of our nature.  Power does not have to be a nasty word although it can seem this way when we are the victims of another person’s control.  Those of us in powerful positions e.g parent and child, should use that power wisely.  Do not use that power violently, spitefully, mockingly, cruelly.  Take power over the power you have and be kind, thoughtful, compassionate, understanding and above all, realise that taking power and control is everyone’s right.

 

The Mathematics of Power

Power plus control equals pain

Power minus control equals harmony and strength

Power plus control plus pain equals fear

Power divided by two

Gives me and you

The chance to enhance

A balanced relationship

 

Control decides who takes the lion’s share

It becomes the snare

In which the other is trapped

I didn’t want that for you and me

But sadly that became my reality

You had the power; I supplied the fear

I held you dear; you did not!

 

Now we are so much older

I could not do the maths then

Children often struggle

Literally and physically

Now, I have the power

Power minus control

Equals harmony and strength!

Copyright  Marie Williams – July 2009

Strong Women

Tags

control, creativity, inspire, journey, power, society, style, women

If you have ever felt “less than”, which let’s face it – who hasn’t?  It might not be all of the time, but just every now and then.  Remember that we as women are strong and powerful.

WOMAN

 Woman rise free and strong

Don’t be subservient to a world all wrong

A world that says stay home and imitate a bee

The busy, busy worker bee

No! Woman you are wise, mighty and free

Free to be an amazing tool

Free to rule in whatever capacity

You choose to decree

That’s not to say

We rise and lose our femininity

It is to say, we stand proud

And claim our rightful place in society

A worker bee is simply that

A powerful creature in its own right

And so we don’t denigrate that little mite, but own

The premise that each creature

Stakes its place in time and space

So women of the world unite

And take a bite of that cherry

Taste and see how sweet

Sashay and move those dancing feet

We don’t need to run a home to

Show that this is our rightful place

We can choose to be whatever

We want to be or do

Doctor, lawyer, street cleaner

Creativity comes from within

It is divine and it’s your right

See that cherry – go ahead and bite!

Succulent and sweet its taste

Tarry for a while

Don’t haste

Woman you dictate your style!

© Marie Williams 2009