Tags
abuse, compassion, forgiveness, hurt, letting go, moving on, pain, prison, release
Why is it so hard to let go of past hurts? Do you know, I’ve struggled with this and try as I may, I cannot come up with the answer. But I have tried hard to do this – saying “I forgive you”, and at the point of saying it, there is a feeling of release. But oh how easy it is to slip back into unforgiveness! It’s as if I am in a wrestling match, trying to overcome my opponent. I think I have him pinned down, but then he frees himself from my hold and grips me in another hold, where I struggle to free myself from that hold in my quest to become the victor. My conclusion is that it’s not possible to completely let go, it’s an on-going process and if you can get to a place in your heart where you feel the grip is loosening, then you will feel better. Perhaps for some of us it is more healing to say that “I am forgiving”, rather than “I forgive” realising that it is a process and a journey (for want of a better word) and that by looking forward to that place of forgiveness, each step taken, takes you closer to your goal. I found that trying to release my pain through this poem was a step on my way to forgiveness and letting go. I’m guessing we all have a poem to write …
Forgiving You, For Giving Me Hell
In this beautiful place
On this beautiful balcony
Overlooking the beautiful sea
I see
My father in a different light
I begin to view his plight
This morning it’s not about me
This morning it’s got to be
A gradual awareness of how blessed
He is, that God has made me see
How broken and wounded this man has been.
So now I reach out
And without a doubt
Release him, I free him
From the prison of my heart
I say: “get off your bed, you’re free to go”
I open wide the prison door
And stand aside
That he might slide past me
And fly outside
That he might soar
With wings of love
Into the sky above
So long I’ve held him prisoner
Watched him through the window of my soul
Refused to give him parole
Screamed that he in prison would die
But now I see that he must fly
His tormented soul begs my forgiveness
And so I release him
I can no longer his judge and jailer be
I’d like to say, with one fell swoop I set him free
But that would be a lie
My qualifications for this job did not come easily
The tears I shed, my wounds they bled
I flirted painfully with death
So you see, I earned this position
‘Twas not given me
I could not relinquish without a fight
A lifetime of immeasurable hurt
But now I choose to set him free
Go on, go quickly: I will not change my mind about this clemency
You don’t deserve it
You misfit
You don’t deserve it
You’re so unfit
But because I choose to let you go
To lose my sorrow and my woe
You’re a free man
Free to leave your prison cell
Free now to dwell
Wherever you wish.
Copyright Marie Williams July 2009
